Designed to exhaust
A structural tactic embedded in institutional systems that functions not through overt denial but through the slow erosion of energy, clarity, and will. It refers to the repeated use of delay, deflection, procedural ambiguity, and reputational threat to drain the caregiver—most often the mother—of her capacity to advocate, document, or resist. Rather than silencing her outright, the system places the burden of persistence entirely on her shoulders, requiring infinite patience, strategic fluency, emotional restraint, and self-sacrifice to obtain even the most basic support. The exhaustion is not accidental—it is a feature of the design. It ensures that only those who comply are heard, and those who refuse collapse under the weight of their knowing. This exhaustion becomes both the method and the justification for further exclusion.
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The problem with the appeals process
When something goes wrong at school—when a child is excluded, harmed, or unsupported—families are told to “work it out with the school first.” That sounds reasonable on paper. But in practice, it’s vague, unstructured, and often retraumatising. I’ve gone through the Vancouver School Board (VSB) appeals process more times that I’d wish upon anyone. Here’s…