Meeting-based collaboration

Use school meetings to share your insights, build relationships, and participate actively in decision-making about your child’s support.

How to use this strategy

SchoolSchool-based meetings—whether formal IEP meetings, behaviour plan reviews, or informal check-ins—are one of the few structured opportunities families have to participate in planning their child’s education. They can be stressful, especially if your child’s needs have been ignored or misunderstood in the past. But they are also a critical site of advocacy.

To make the most of meetings, prepare in advance:

• Review your child’s recent reports, emails, or support plans
• Make a short list of priorities or concerns (2–3 points is enough)
• Bring notes about what’s working at home and what your child finds hard
• Consider bringing a support person or advocate to take notes or help you stay grounded
• Ask for an agenda ahead of time—and request time to speak
• Ask for a written summary or meeting notes afterward

During the meeting, aim to frame your insights in a way that invites problem-solving. Instead of presenting a list of demands, consider saying:

“Here’s what we’ve seen work well at home—how might that be adapted in the classroom?”
“We’re really hoping to understand the plan moving forward. What supports are currently in place, and how can we build on them?”

This shows you are engaged, informed, and collaborative—without stepping back from your advocacy role.

One especially powerful framing is to talk about how your child is at the end of the day. You might say:

“My expectation is that my child returns home at baseline. I nourish them, keep them rested and fed, and send them to school ready to learn. They should come home a little tired—but regulated and able to participate in life. If they are melting down, refusing to eat, or unable to get off the floor, that is not acceptable. That is not ‘their baseline.’ That is evidence that the accommodations are insufficient.”

This helps reorient the conversation away from blaming the child and toward the responsibility of the school to provide a functioning, accessible learning environment—not just a place where the child manages to survive the day.

What to watch out for

Families are sometimes treated as observers in these meetings, rather than equal partners. Staff may use professional language jargon, skip over concerns, or close discussion quickly when things get uncomfortable. It’s easy to leave a meeting feeling dismissed or confused.

You have the right to:

• Ask for clarification in plain language
• Pause the meeting and request to reconvene if things become overwhelming
• Submit written concerns before or after the meeting
• Invite support people (such as family members, advocates, or cultural liaisons)
• Follow up in writing to confirm what was said or agreed to

It’s common to feel like the school holds all the power. But remember: you are the expert on your child. And schools are legally required to include families in planning and decision-making.

Collaboration doesn’t mean agreement. It means participating meaningfully, offering your insight, and holding the team accountable to your child’s right to support.

If you’re feeling angry, heartbroken, or deeply frustrated—which is entirely valid—it’s important to process those emotions in advance of the meeting whenever possible. This isn’t about suppressing your feelings. It’s about protecting your effectiveness.

Staff are people too, and many operate within systems that are overstretched and defensive. If you are visibly distressed, they may perceive you as angry, irrational, or “not grievable”—and emotionally shut down or disengage from collaboration. That’s not fair, but it is common.

You deserve space to express your grief and rage. Just know that meetings are rarely a safe or effective place to do that work. Find someone who can witness you outside the meeting—so that inside the meeting, you can stay grounded, clear, and focused on your goals.

Prompt for families

What is one thing I want to share—and one question I need answered—at the next meeting?