When classrooms become overwhelmed, the strain doesn’t just fall on adults—it radiates through the entire learning environment. Neurodivergent students, in particular, often act as emotional barometers—canaries in the classroom. They feel the tension, chaos, and unpredictability more acutely than their peers. When co-regulation breaks down, or when expectations are unclear, these students are often the first to show signs of distress. And too often, they are the first to be blamed when they react.
Educators are left trying to meet too many needs with too few supports. Sometimes, this stress is redirected toward students—particularly those who behave in ways that feel disruptive or unfamiliar. The result is often punitive: collective punishment, removal, or demands for compliance that leave everyone discouraged.
But there is another path. One rooted not in blame or rigid expectations, but in relationship, trust, and support. Neurodiversity-affirming IEP goals can help us walk that path—providing scaffolding for students while also easing the emotional and logistical burdens placed on staff.
This isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing differently.
Why traditional behaviour goals fall short
Many IEPs include behaviour goals like “will self regulate” or “will self advocate.” These goals are often vague, unrealistic, or compliance-based. They fail to recognise the underlying causes of dysregulation—such as sensory overload, trauma history, communication barriers, or unrecognised needs.
Too often, these goals also ignore the staffing resources required to support the child in meeting them. Self-regulation is framed as an individual duty, even for children with significant disabilities, without regard for whether the student has access to a trusted adult, a predictable routine, or fair treatment in peer conflicts. When goals assume independence without acknowledging interdependence, they set students up to fail.
What’s more, when children are placed in overstimulating environments or exposed to peer dynamics that feel unsafe, they cannot succeed through self-control alone. The strain of navigating dysregulation—both their own and others’—without adequate adult support can be exhausting and traumatic.
When these goals aren’t met, they are regurgitated next year. Support staff may feel like they’re failing. Teachers may become frustrated. The cycle leads to burnout and breakdown.
Instead, we need goals that meet the student where they are and build capacity for co-regulation, communication, and trust.
What do neurodiversity-affirming goals look like?
These goals support the student and the classroom. They recognise that behaviour is communication. They replace shame with curiosity, and control with connection. They are grounded in the reality that students do best when they are supported by adults they trust—who communicate clearly, intervene fairly, and understand their needs.
Here are some examples:
Here are some examples:
Co-regulation and self-awareness
Instead of: “Will ask for help when needed.”
Try: “Will engage in co-regulation with a trusted adult to support recovery from distress, with adult modelling and shared reflection.”
Interoception and self-advocacy
Instead of: “Will follow directions.”
Try: “With support, will begin to recognise and name internal cues such as overwhelm or hunger, using visuals, scripts, or breaks as needed.”
Collaborative problem solving
Instead of: “Will comply with classroom expectations.”
Try: “Will have access to adult-facilitated opportunities to reflect on conflict and develop shared understanding, without pressure to apologise or perform remorse.”
Flexible learning and participation
Instead of: “Will remain in classroom for 80% of instruction.”
Try: “Will have access to predictable spaces for taking breaks from group settings, and support in rejoining when ready.”
Peer education and equity literacy
Inclusion doesn’t rest on one student. It’s a community practice.
Include class-wide goals like: “Peers will engage in learning about disability rights and neurodiversity, and reflect on how fairness sometimes means different supports for different students.”
These goals reduce burnout not by asking teachers to carry more, but by reframing what support looks like. They create space for safety, understanding, and trust. And they remind us that sometimes, the most radical goal is simply to let a child be as they are.
A note to educators
If you are reading this as a teacher or support staff, please know: this is not a critique of your effort. We know you’re navigating impossible constraints. This blog is written in solidarity—with hope that by shifting our frameworks, we can make schools safer for everyone, including you.
If the system has left you overwhelmed or unsupported, that is not your failure. It’s the system’s. Neurodiversity-affirming practices are not a demand—they are an invitation to build something better.
Let’s build it together.
