To the neurodivergent kid who got blamed

Hey, I’m sorry.

Maybe it started with a meltdown, or a moment you couldn’t sit still, or a sound you didn’t even know you were making. Maybe you were trying to solve something in your own way or were overwhelmed and no one saw it. Maybe someone else was unkind to you first?

But what you remember most is what came next.

The teacher stopped the lesson. They looked at everyone—at everyone—and said something like, “If we can’t behave, no one gets X today.” Or, “Because someone made a poor choice.”

And suddenly, the whole class was looking at you.

Even if no one said your name, you knew. You could feel eyes in the back of the head. More unpopular.

And maybe you felt confused?

So let me explain it now:

Collective punishment is when a whole group gets punished because of what one person did. And it’s not fair. It’s not your fault they chose to respond that way.

Punishment doesn’t help people understand or teach compassion. And it definitely doesn’t teach your classmates how to include and support someone who’s different. It teaches fear, shame, and silence. It teaches kids to turn on each other. It tells your classmates that being near you is dangerous—and it tells you that being yourself is unsafe.

That is so shitty and you deserve better.

You deserve to be supported, not punished. You deserve to understand your brain, your needs, your boundaries—and to be surrounded by people who try to understand them too. You deserve adults who care enough to look beneath the surface and see what you were feeling. Do not always feel like you’re chasing understanding.

And if that didn’t happen—if instead, your pain became everyone’s consequence—you are allowed to say, “That wasn’t okay.”

You don’t have to hold that shame. It was never yours to carry.

Here are a few things you can do next:

• Tell someone you trust. This might be a parent, caregiver, support worker, or advocate. You can say, “I got blamed and the whole class got punished, and I don’t think that was fair.”
• Write down what happened. What was going on for you before the punishment? What did the teacher say? How did it make you feel? Writing can help you understand what your body already knows.
• Ask for support. A grown-up can help you talk to the school or file a complaint. You can say, “I want people to understand my disability and not punish the class when I’m having a hard time.”
• Learn about your rights. In British Columbia, students have the right to be accommodated—not excluded. And collective punishment is never an appropriate.
• Know this isn’t the end of your story. What happened to you was real. And you can become someone who helps change it—who helps other kids know it’s okay to be different, to have needs, to make noise, to take up space.

You don’t have to be quiet about what hurt you. You’re allowed to speak. You’re allowed to seek justice. And you are not alone.